


Are you there Stiles? It's me, Derek

by orphan_account



Category: Sterek - Fandom, Teen Wolf (TV), teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: AU, Drunk Derek, Drunk Dialing, M/M, No wolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 11:29:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2650409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek makes a call that he should have made a long time ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Derek was laid out, tummy up, on his couch. His legs were propped up and one of his arms was hanging low, a bottle laid empty on the wood floor next to Derek's hand which is expertly keying in a series of nine numbers into his phone. This was a pretty spectacular feat since Derek was neither looking at his phone nor was he in any way, shape or form sober. The series of numbers was clearly second nature to Derek though, for his fingers moved across the screen like they had a mind of their own. Each time he finished the sequence, he would hit the red end call button at the bottom of the screen and then start the series again. After repeating the action for what was likely to be the fiftieth time that night, Derek found his finger hovering over the six button instead of the end call.

The number in question was a phone number belonging to Stiles Stilinski; a fact in which Derek was all too painfully aware. He was given the number three years ago by Stiles after the two of them were caught making out in a darkened corner of Derek's favourite bookstore. Both men were breathless and giddy when they were unceremoniously broken up and showed the door by the store clerk. When she had walked in on them their kisses had been verging on filthy and both men were letting out soft moans and sighs as their bodies connected in just the right way to cause spikes of pleasure to travel a long their spines. Derek was just working up the courage to pull away from Stiles, so he could drag the guy into the nearest bathroom; when the clerk had interrupted them. 

Both Stiles and Derek were laughing and bumping shoulders as they walked down the busy street away from the bookstore and towards the subway. Stiles was already late for meeting his father and was now in a hurry to catch the next train. Before he headed down to the platform though he took Derek's hand in his and pulled a bright blue sharpie from his back pocket and quickly scrawled his number across Derek's palm, causing it to tingle. "Call me, okay?" Stiles said with a smirk and then leaned forward and pressed his lips against Derek's. The kiss was brief and sweet and that perfect moment was forever seared into Derek's memory. 

Derek had had every intention of using the number from the moment it was given to him and he had tried several times in the days that followed their brief encounter to finally make the call. Every time Derek would get to the final digit though he would end up hitting end call instead. The excuses he made up for himself were always varied, but most stemmed from Derek's misguided self-doubts and self-hate which Kate had left for him in her wake. He convinced himself that Stiles wasn't that interested in him and that Stiles would think it was weird that Derek waited nine whole days before calling, so Derek had never called. 

Instead in moments of weakness, loneliness, panic, and drunken stupors Derek would find himself reaching for his phone like a life line and keying in the first nine digits of Stiles's phone number, follow promptly by end call. In the moment, the act was calming to Derek. He felt less alone knowing that Stiles was only a number away from him. Later though and usually in the middle of the night Derek would scold himself about being stupid, cowardly and creepy. He knew he was nothing to Stiles, but Derek could still not force himself to let go. In all fairness, Derek was pretty obtuse in most matters that involved Stiles and feelings, so at least some of his self scolding was probably deserved. 

What Derek was most wrong about, when it came to Stiles, was that he firmly believed that Stiles had not really cared if Derek had contacted him or not. This could not have been further from the truth, for Stiles had waited for him to call, first patiently and then desperately as the days ticked away. While he waited, Stiles had made up extravagant fantasies about how Stiles's phone number had been washed away from Derek's hand by a series of increasingly unbelievable events and about how Derek probably got hit by a piano while walking back to the bookstore, surviving but only to live with amnesia. So Derek was wrong, Stiles had been left waiting and longing for far longer than was fair, reasonable, or healthy for Stiles's own personal well being.

On this particular evening Derek was spectacularly drunk and he found his finger hovering over the six button; for a moment Derek had forgotten the significance of the number, so instead of leaving his finger hanging mid-air he had simply let his finger press down and that was that. 

\---

It took Derek a moment to realize that somewhere to his right a faint voice was saying hello, repeatedly and with increasing volume and severity. When he finally realized it was his phone making the sound he decided to investigate the noise further by bring it up to his general ear area. His phone ended up more in Derek's neck region, but he could hear the voice far better then he could a minute ago and so he left it there. 

"Do you realize what time it is fucktard? It's way to late for dial and pant, if I wanted to listen to heavy breathing I would have.." The voice chirped angrily into Derek's neck causing Derek to flinch and pull it away for a moment, while he was trying to figure out why his phone was so angry. The moment of confusion resulted in Derek missing a large portion of the voices tirade. Once Derek's brain registered that there was a person talking to him through his phone, he brought the phone back towards his head again managing this time to get it even closer to his ear. 

Derek was just in time to hear the voice say "I mean what the fuck do you want?... Who is this even? Why did you call me?" 

In a moment of spectacular clarity, especially for the extreme level of drunkenness that he now hovered at, Derek's brain matched the angry voice in his ear to a mental picture of its owner. Long limbs, little moles, pale skin, amber eyes and a mischievous smile flashed inside Derek head, each a sucker punch to his gut. Derek's stomach tightened and he lost all ability to breathe for a moment, knowing that he was hearing Stiles voice. When he finally managed to pull air into his lungs it was heavy and laboured. 

"With the fucking panting again? Fuck this...I've had enough shenanigans for one night, please do not call back." Stiles said.

"No, Stiles" Derek moaned and not in any kind of way that could be construed as sexy, instead he sounded desperate and hurt. 

"Who is this? Scott? Man, are you okay? Do you need me to come get you? Where are you? Whose phone is this? I thought we agreed no drinking this weekend? " Stiles rambled out all in one breath, his voice soaked with concern for his friend. 

"Stiles.... Not Scott" Derek muttered breathily still recovering. Words had never come easily to him and now when his mind was slowed and jumbled by liquor, he was finding it even harder to form them.

"I. Repeat. Who. Is. This?" Stiles said letting the concern drop from his voice completely and returning to his initial response, anger. 

"Stiles, oh god, what am I..?" Derek managed to mumble out, all the while pulling at his hair with his free hand. He was sitting now, rocking slightly as panic settled over him. 'What the fuck am I doing? what the fuck did I do?' Derek thought, his fingers twitched instinctively on the phones screen, prepared to key in Stiles phone number again to calm himself. 

"I don't have fucking time for this man, it's like two in the morning and I have finals this week. You've got one last chance before I hang up, who the fuck is this?" Stiles said exasperated. 

All Derek could think was how much he liked the sound of Stiles voice, even when it was angry like this. He wanted to hear more of Stiles's angry voice, he wanted to hear Stiles's stories and he wanted to hear Stiles's soft moans that he had heard so long ago again. He just wanted Stiles and he knew the only way for that to happen was to speak and so Derek took a breath and tried again. 

"It's" Derek took a long pause before continuing. "It's Derek" Derek said just louder than a whisper. Derek was pretty sure that Stiles had heard him though, since just after he spoke he had heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the receiver. It was promptly followed by a very distinct click, the sound of a phone being hung up.


	2. Do not Call or Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles does not know how to deal with the fact that Derek drunk dialed him.

Stiles felt like the world was going to implode on him, in response he was huddled in a ball on the floor fingers digging into the carpet before him and he was shaking slightly. He was finding it increasingly difficult to catch his breath ever since he had heard those two whispered words through the receiver "it's Derek". Fuck, it was like all the oxygen in the room had disappeared with those words and Stiles had been left gaping like a fish out of water. The all too familiar feeling of panic had started to swell in Stiles's chest and before it could wash over, consuming him, Stiles had managed to hit the end call button on his phone.

Soon after that Stiles found himself in the throws of a full blown panic attack, much worse then any he had had in a good long while. He found himself desperately trying to pull in air, but he only managed to suck in little wheezy huffs that did nothing to stop his room from spinning. From the lack of oxygen, white spots started to block out Stiles's vision and he just had enough time to think 'this is it I'm going to pass out, now' before he did exactly that.

A few minutes later when stiles came to he had found himself sprawled out uncomfortably on his dorm room floor, his body was stiff from the position he landed in and his head was pounding. He laid on the floor staring up at the popcorn ceiling for awhile before he managed to peal himself up off the carpet and maneuver himself onto the edge of his bed. He was still not very steady on his feet.

'Sitting is good' Stiles thought as he pointedly did not look down at his right hand that was still miraculously clutching his phone. His brain to motor function link obviously still out of order because as hard as he tried his hand wouldn't loosen its grip. Stiles's brain was beginning to work enough to be able to think again, not that he was at all inclined to do so. But wanted or not, the phone conversation that he had just had started to repeat in his mind. Stiles cringed at the things he had said and he tried futilely not to think about the things, Derek, 'god Derek,' had said back to him.

It had only been a handful of words, but those words had belonged to Derek and it had been so long since Stiles had heard his voice. He had forgotten the effect Derek's voice had had on him, his imagination not even close to capturing the tenor. Upon reflection, Stiles's decided that if sex was a sound, it would be Derek's voice. Stiles squeezed his eyes shut and pitched the bridge of his nose. There was no way he could handle that train of thought right now, thank you very much.

So instead, Stiles tried to focus on his breathing. His brain had other ideas though and Stiles found his mind flooded with all the memories that he had of Derek, 'so much for self preservation' he thought bitterly.

Stiles had been at the bookstore for around twenty minutes before Derek walked in sporting a devastatingly handsome scowl on his face. Stiles's first thought about the man was wondering how a person could look so angry while shopping for books. His second thought about the man was extremely inappropriate for a person to have while shopping for books and had left Stiles adjusted himself covertly. Derek, not seeming to notice Stiles, made his way deeper into the store. Stiles, his interest obviously peaked, followed the path of the other man had taken. As Stiles had made his way through the store, his eyes didn't rest long upon the shelves his fingers trailed along, instead they kept finding there way back to Derek's green shirt and the way his shoulder and back muscles were clearly outlined through it.

It took awhile before Derek had noticed someone watching and snuck a look of his own. Their eyes met briefly before Stiles managed to turn away, cheeks inflamed, missing the little smirk that played on Derek's lips. After that, Derek had made his way even further into the store acting as if he did not know that Stiles followed. When Derek finally stopped he stood in front of a dusty looking bookshelf filled with some very old looking books. Derek's hand ran along the spines like he was looking for something specific, his head was cocked slightly to the side and he was biting lightly at his thumb; the word "cute" popped into Stiles head as he had took in the sight.

Stiles who had to summon up all of his courage, approached Derek. He had decided not to use a usual cheesy pick up line, instead he made up a clever sounding "fact" about the book on wolves Derek was holding. Derek eyebrow raised sceptically at the information he had just been fed by Stiles, but did not verbalize his disbelief. Stiles took that as an invitation to talk some more and the pair surprisingly fell into a some what easy conversion. Stiles obviously did most of the heavy lifting, but Derek also supplied more then his usual grunts. Which if anyone had known Derek, at that point in his life, they would have been impressed.

Somehow things turned from flirtatious to heated quickly and Stiles, not really understanding how, had found himself pinned against a bookshelf. Derek was pressed up against him and his tongue was licking into Stiles's mouth coaxing out some rather pornographic sounds.

Stiles still remembers how his body ached to be in contact with Derek's, his want making him light headed and his dick hard. He had found himself arching towards Derek looking for some kind of friction to satisfy that ache. He remembers every touch, every look and every half smile. Stiles remembers everything.

"Fuck this" Stiles said out loud as the memories became to much for him to bear. He looked down at his phone; he wanted to call Lydia or Scott. He checked the time, it was only three in the morning and he himself had just been lecturing Derek about the indecency of those who call too late.

'Fuck Stiles, you really have to stop thinking about him, do not think about him again tonight, do not think about him kissing you, do not think about him calling you and do not think about calling him. For fucksakes, just stop thinking, just stop.' Stiles thought in a rush, trying to talk himself down before he found himself doing something he would regret. He couldn't do this by himself, he decided; he needed Scott.

He found himself pacing around his dorm room as he texted his best friend. When he was done he flipped to to his call history, he stared down at the last incoming phone number. Stiles wavered between clearing his history and storing the number that was currently causing him so much confusion. After a long debate, Stiles clicked the add to contacts button and labelled the number as Do Not Call. Then he tossed his phone on his bed with disgust, grabbed his favourite red hoodie off the back of his chair and marched out the door.

"He called." Stiles said like he just can't believe the nerve some people and then pushed his way into Scott's dorm room. Scott was understandably confused by this statement, first of all he was still waking up and secondly he had not been included in the conversation that Stiles had obviously been having in his mind because Scott had no clue who "he" was or why it was such an injustice that "he" had called. Trying not to sound stupid, Scott asked "Your dad?... Is he okay?"

"No Scott, not my dad. Would my dad warrant a three o'clock wake up call?... Okay, yes but only if he was dead or dying and then Scott, then I'm pretty sure you would get your own phone call and you would have to come find me because I would be a total mess living under my bed or something." Stiles said exasperated and sounding a bit like he hadn't taken his Adderall. Scott made a face.

"I think this" Scott motioned to his friend demeanour "this could constitute being a total mess, Stiles. You look a bit sickly, dude. Are you okay, have you been taken your meds?"

Stiles nodded in reply, then said "I think I just need a hug." Stiles shoulders slumped slightly as he walked towards his best friend. Scott smiled and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing a little bit too tight, just how Scott knew Stiles liked his hugs.

"So now then, who exactly called you?" Scott said pulling back so he could look Stiles in the eyes "And do I need to prepare to kick some ass?"

That got a little chuckle out of Stiles, "No ass kicking required dude, but thanks." And after a pause he added "it was that guy, you know from... New York... Derek."

That had gotten Scott's attention, "Derek from New York", that was douche Stiles had met during his trip to New York with his dad. Stiles had pined for Derek for more than a year after meeting him. He had spent months attached to his phone and would freak out if he forgot to bring it with him or if his battery died. When asked what the big deal was about his phone Stiles would just shrug and say he was waiting for an important call. It started to become more worrisome though when Stiles started to turn down actual dates because he didn't want to be involved with someone just incase Derek called. That was where Scott had drawn the line and stepped in. It had been nearly a year now that Stiles hadn't mentioned the asshole and Scott liked it like that. Scott liked to think of himself as a friendly even headed guy, but he fucking hated "Derek from New York" and he pretty sure that if he ever met the guy, that that was going to be the same day he ended up seeing the wrong side of a jail cell.

Stiles spent the next two days holed up in Scott's dorm room, studying mostly for his upcoming exams when he was not thinking about Derek. When Stiles finally returned to his room, he found it just how he left it, his phone laying silently on the bed. Stiles took a moment eyeing it carefully like he expected it to jump out a attack him. Once Stiles decide that no, phones do not attack people; he went about trying to settle into his usual routine.

After a hour or so of pretending to do things other then stare at his phone, Stiles sidled up to his bed where his phone still laid. Cautiously he picked it up expecting it to be dead, it wasn't. His phone screen showed an eight percent charge, seven missed texted messages, three missed calls, and one voice mail. 'Well fuck' stiles thought.

Stiles looked at his texts first, nothing too important had been sent; he replied to the texts he needed to and then checked the call history. His missed calls were from his Dad, Allison, and Do Not Call. When he saw who the last name on the list, his heart started thumping wildly and he fumbled his phone almost dropping it twice. Once he had a firmer grip he looked at the caller log again, yesterday at 10:08am Derek had called him. Stiles took a deep steading breath, while his fingers seemingly on their own hit the voice messages followed by a quick one one. He lifted his phone to his ear, not knowing if he was more hoping or fearing to hear Derek's voice.

"Stiles" Derek's said his name like it hurt to do so.

"I've done this message like eleven times now, I think it's only fair that you know that. Surprisingly it is getting easier to say the things I need to." Stiles could hear Derek inhale and exhale before he continued; Stiles on the other hand was holding his breath.

"Stiles" Derek said again followed by some kinda of clicking noise that was presumably made by Derek's mouth. "I wanted.. I'm calling to apologize for calling you they way I did the other night. It was highly inappropriate for me to call you when I was in such a state, I probably.. No.. I wouldn't have called you if I wasn't drunk." Stiles exhaled, feeling those words "I wouldn't have called you" seep into his veins turning all heat he was previously feeling into ice; Stiles shivered.

Derek continued even though Stiles no longer wanted him too. "I was having a really bad night, it was an anniversary of sorts and I wasn't dealing very well. And I guess.. I mean.. I was.. thinking about you then.. and I just sorted of dialled. I was barely conscious of what I was doing and I'm truly sorry for calling you like that Stiles, I know you didn't ask for that." Derek cleared his throat like his next words were trapped in it.

"At least not like that. You did though... once right? You did ask me to call you once, and god did I want to do that... To hear you, to talk to you. It's been three years and I still think about calling." Derek voice is thick and gravely.

"You see there are things that I had been carrying with me for a really long time, awful things that prevented me from... Reaching out to you or anybody really. I haven't had an easy life and for a long time I have been blaming myself for things I probably had very little control over. Keeping myself away from you, I think it was one of the ways I was punishing myself. I want you to know that when you wrote your number on my hand, it was like it was seared into my every inch of being. I don't think I will ever be able to forget it..or you. I don't ever want to forget you. I know that probably comes off as creepy, but you are like an anchor to me, just the idea of you keeps me from floating directionless throughout my life.... I think about you all the time, everyday since I met you. I wanted you, I want to be with you so badly it hurts."

Derek took a few long shaky breaths.

"I'm really sorry Stiles, to lay myself out before you like this. I know it's not fair, but god I had to say these things out loud to you at least once or I think I might've drown in my regrets."

There's a long pause but Derek continues. "One last thing Stiles, before I hang up, I just want to say that I hope that you are happy in whatever it is you are doing in your life and that I hope you have people in your life that love you and that you love." Stiles can hear Derek sniffle quietly.

"I am going to hold on to that idea of you Stiles, you being happy and loved. Goodbye Stiles, I'm going to be missing you."

Notes:

 

I don't like Scott McCall and don't really understand how I wrote him so nicely. This must be my representation of the Scott, Stiles deserves.


	3. When you call, I answer

Derek pressed end call and then clutched his phone against his chest for several minutes. A silent flow of tears dripped off his chin, pooling on the counter he was standing in front of. He hadn't cried in years and now that he had started, he was finding he wasn't able to stop. It was a gentle sort of crying though, the tears just welling up in his green eyes, then silently spilling over; there were no sobs, no sniffles, and no red puff eyes. 

Derek felt exposed, gutted and raw. He wished he could pull back all the words he had just said and cram them deep inside him again where they belonged. Without them holding him together he felt like he was going to break into a million pieces. The last time he felt like this, he had lost his family and it had taken him years to put himself back together. He couldn't go through that again, he didn't have the strength. 

The day that followed was painful, Derek spent the time laying on the cool tiles in his kitchen. He couldn't really recall how he had gotten down there in the first place, but once he was down he couldn't will himself to move again. He didn't eat, he didn't drink and he didn't sleep. Instead he spent the time thinking about his life and about Stiles, mostly about Stiles. His smiles, his hands, the way he laughs, the way he kisses. 

He had never really understood the concept of souls, it had been too abstract for him to really contemplate thoroughly. Here on the floor though Derek was finding it an easy idea to grasp. He was beginning to believe that the words he had held on, so tightly, to had somehow melded to his soul; the two becoming an inseparable pair. When he left Stiles the message, it was not just words he had let out but his soul as well and both were sent blazing along the telephone wire, leaving Derek an empty shell. Derek thought that maybe that was fair, for what good was his soul without having Stiles too.

During his twenty second hour on the floor, someone banged on his front door. Derek didn't even flinch though, he just continued to stare up at ceiling. He was focused on willing away the pain. When he finally noticed the noise he tried to decide if he just didn't want to move or if he had actually slipped into some kind of catatonic state. Derek decided it didn't really matter because the overall result was the same, he stayed where he was. 

What Derek really wanted to do was to sink through the cool floor and into the ground. He wanted to feel layers upon layers of heavy dirt and soil on top of him. He wanted to feel weighed down to the point that his bones would snap and his body would collapse in on itself, ridding him of the unbearable hollowness that had taken root in his chest. 

What he really, really wanted was Stiles. He wanted Stiles to hold him, for Stiles to comb his long fingers through his hair. He wanted Stiles to tell him everything was okay. He wanted Stiles to be his friend, his family, his lover. He wanted Stiles in every way and for as long as possible. 

Derek finally moved to wipe the tears from his eyes. Outside the kitchen he could hear the banging again, it was distracting and annoying. Derek could almost feel a growl forming in his chest in response. Then he heard a muffled yell "Derek you mother fucker, open this god damn door." It was Erica. 

At least Derek had had the foresight to warn someone about his pending phone call. He knew that calling Stiles was going to cost him something, not this much but enough to warrant needing some kind of back up and who was better at back up than Erica. He knew she would give him some space but he also knew she wouldn't hesitate to come find him when she had felt things had gone on long enough. This was why Erica was his best friend, she always knew what he needed even when he didn't. 

Erica must have remembered where Derek left his spare key because before he knew it she was standing over him, with her blonde curls framing her face, she was frowning. "So" Erica said motioning at Derek with her hand, "I'm taking this as things didn't go well." 

\---

Stiles listened to the message twice. The first time around he found it hard to really understand what Derek was saying to him, instead he could only focus on short phrases, the sound of Derek's voice and the emotions behind his words. The message was filled with loss, longing, and sadness. Stiles initial reaction was to wrap himself around this person, who sounded very much like they were breaking. He didn't want Derek to feel like that, not because of him. 

Sure in the past, Stiles had felt hurt by Derek. He had felt the same longing and loss when he realized he would never see Derek again. He had held on to the idea of Derek for far longer than he should have, but now it almost felt like he had let go to soon. Stiles felt confused, he didn't know how to assimilate this new knowledge of Derek's feelings into mess of hurt that was left from their last encounter. 

He never could understand why that tiny moment in his life could both mean so much and then cause so much pain in its aftermath. For a long time Stiles felt like his life had revolved around that moment either leading him there or taking him away from it. 

The second listen through took place ten minutes later, this time he listened to Derek's words. Stiles didn't know how to react. Derek said he wanted Stiles, but he had done nothing about it. He had left Stiles believing he was unwanted for years, when Derek had wanted him along. Even worse was how Derek said he wouldn't have contacted him, if it wasn't for his drunken mistake. It made Stiles furious and confused, the whys and the how could yous building up inside him. The old familiar ache that Stiles had thought was long gone reformed in the pit of his stomach. 

By the end of the message Stiles felt numb all over. He just turn off his phone placing it on his desk, grabbed his towel from its hook and walked down to the student showers in a haze. The room was mostly empty, most students either showered at night or in the morning, afternoons were usually quiet. Stiles made his way to his usual shower stall, he was a creature of habit and now in this hazy state he needed the comfort of the known. 

He stood under the spray with his head resting against the plastic shower wall. He was trying to will the water to wash away the overwhelming confusion. He didn't know what to do, should he call Derek back? Should he let this all this go? Move on? He had so many questions, too many really. He didn't have time for this now, Derek had made Stiles wait three fucking years, Derek would have to wait too. Stiles had finals after all, he needed to focus on them, before deciding what he wanted to do about all this, for now he was putting a pin in it. 

The week had passed in a blur with Stiles in the same numb state. He found the numbness helped him focus though and he was pretty sure he aced most of his exams because of it.

The ache in his belly did not ease, instead it seemed to intensify and sometimes Stiles would find himself hunched over clutching at his stomach. Even in these moments he didn't let himself think about Derek and it seemed to help a little. When finals were over though, it was like the flood gates were automatically opened and the images and sounds of Derek flooded into his mind.

A decision needed to be made, Stiles knew this. If he let the silence sit too long it may be too late when he finally decided if he wanted to speak. But being a procrastinator, Stiles found himself avoiding making a final decision, instead he threw himself into packing up his dorm room. It was the beginning of his summer break and he was planning to head back to Beacon Hills for the next four months. It took two days of packing but Stiles's jeep was crammed with the boxes that made up Stiles's life away from home. 

Stiles sat alone in his packed jeep with the key in the ignition, but not turned. He was leaning his head back against the head rest, his eyes were closed. He was suddenly hit with the overwhelming feeling that this was the moment, he needed to decide now.

If Stiles was being honest with himself, he knew he wanted to see Derek again, but the idea of picking up the phone and calling him made him cringe. He also didn't think he could just let it all go like he did last time. The first time around he hadn't had a choice he had no power over the situation. This time he had Derek's phone number and Derek had confessed some of his long withheld feelings. The ball was definitely left in Stiles court and he just had to decide what he wanted to do with it. 

Stiles sat there in his jeep for an hour weighing his options. Then he reached over to the passenger seat where his phone was laying along with a few bags of various snack foods. He quickly dialled a number into the phone then held it to his ear. The phone rang three times before being picked up. 

"Hello" said the voice on the other end. 

"Danny, I need your help." Stiles said in reply. 

Five days later, Stiles was driving over the George Washington bridge into Manhattan. It was late, his eyes were blood shot and he need to sleep. He made his way to the hotel, where he arranged to stay for the next couple of days. He was using his savings, but if things worked out it would be worth it. He supposed if things didn't work out, it would be worth it too, just have the closure. 

In his hotel room Stiles was laid out on top of the bed sheets, his red shirt was hiked up on his chest and his long fingers travelled soothingly across his stomach. The movement was causing little bursts of tingles along his back and thighs. He had spent the last five days thinking about Derek and tomorrow he would most likely get to see him. Just the thought of seeing Derek was making painfully Stiles hard. His eyes were closed, his lips were slightly parted and slightly wet, and he was taking in deep shaky breathes as fingers moved. 

"Fuck" Stiles moaned as he finally let his fingers dip below the elastic waist band of his jogging pants. He moaned again as he wrapped his fingers around his hard cock. He had been teasing himself for the last twenty minutes, so he wasn't surprised to feel wet cooling pre-come on the back of his hand every time it brushed against the soft fabric of his pants. 

Stiles was deep inside one of his favourite fantasies. He was in the book store with Derek, pushed up hard against one of the stacks. Derek was behind with his lips on Stiles ear and his stubble tickling Stiles's cheek and neck. He had one of his hands wrapped around Stiles cock while the fingers of his other hand were rubbing steadily against Stiles's prostate. 

In his room Stiles brought a fingers to his mouth, thoroughly wetting them, he had forgot his lube in the jeep. He lifted his ass off the mattress so he could slide his hand down the back of his pants. His body tensed with the first initial brushes against his hole, circling around the rim. 

In the fantasy, Stiles bucked back into Derek's fingers wanting a deeper harder fuck. He tells Derek as much and Derek groans in response. He pulls his fingers out of Stiles and replaces them with his cock. He lifts Stiles up slightly to get a good angle. He fucks into Stiles slow but hard, he waits until his dick completely sheathed in Stiles tight hole before he pulls out again. The pace is agonizingly good and it makes Stiles a quivering mess in Derek's arms. Derek doesn't relent though just keeps fucking Stiles nice and slow. 

When Stiles comes it's hard and messy, splattering his chest and blankets with thick white ribbons. He calls out Derek's name even though he is alone. 

The next day, Stiles is outside the apartment building Danny had told him was Derek's. Its a nice building with a small park attached. Stiles could imagine Derek hanging out at the park, reading a book in the grass. He smiled at the thought. 

Stiles wasn't outside the place long before he spotted an elderly women approaching the door from inside. As she started to open the door, Stiles stepped up with a smile and opened it the rest of the way for her. She smiled back and thanked him before going on her way. Stiles stood there holding the door for a second, then he slipped inside acting like he lived there. 

\---

Derek was laying on his couch, he was finding it to be much more agreeable then the kitchen floor that Erica had thankfully banned him from. In moments of weakness he still found himself wanting to head back to the cool uncomfortable tiles, but knew Erica would kick his ass if she found him there again. "The floor is only for the weak" Erica had declared. Derek wasn't sure he completely agreed, but the couch was comfy. 

It had been several days since he had left the message on Stiles's phone; he had not gotten a reply, which in and of itself an answer of sorts. Derek should not have expected anything else, it had been three years, the guy had obviously moved on. He probably thought Derek was pathetic, hey even Derek thought he was pathetic. 

Erica for the last few days had been stopping by daily to make sure that Derek had showered and eaten. He knew she wouldn't let him wallow in self pity for much longer, but he was going to stay on the couch until she forced him off it. That's why when he heard the knock on his door he though 'and it begins' and then said "fuck off Erica, you have my keys use them." She would have to pry him off this couch. 

The knocking did not cease though, only spurred on by his yell through the door. Derek rolled his eyes then swung his legs off the couch and stood. He was dressed in dark grey jogging pants and a loose fitting black t-shirt. It was what he wore when he was sick and he had been wearing it for the last three days. His hair was an adorable mess and he hadn't shaved in two weeks. 

He walked towards the door slowly, trying to drive Erica mad. She knocked again, quieter this time as Derek finally reached the door and flung it open.

"Really Erica was that neccesarr... What?.. What are you.. Doing here?.. Fuck" Derek said with his eyes wide.


	4. On the Line

Derek was struggling to comprehend what he was seeing front of him. It was Stiles he knew that but how was that even possible? It wasn't, Derek knew that too. He must be hallucinating, maybe he had gone crazy, finally snapped or maybe he hadn't made it off the kitchen floor after all, maybe he was dying slowly on the cool tiles from not eating or drinking for days and this was his minds way of comforting itself before the end. 

Derek didn't really have a death wish or anything, but having Stiles in front of him like this, like he was real, was worth a thousand deaths. And god, how real he looked. Derek moved his eyes along the guys long legs, his narrow waist, and his sturdy shoulders, it was all the same. The same perfect lips and button nose too. Derek's eyes stopped moving when they reached amber and Derek's stomach dropped out. His hallucination was prefect, Stiles looked exactly as Derek remembered only better, if that was even possible. 

"Fuck" Derek repeated under his breath, realizing he was wasn't making the most of the situation. He had no idea how long this hallucination would last for, but Derek was definitely going to get his hands on the guy before he faded away. 

Derek took some very deliberate steps forward, right into Stiles personal space. Derek's sudden motion surprised Stiles, he jumped and then quickly backed up until he was flush against the hallway wall. Prefect Derek thought as he let his body sink into Stiles's, his knee pressing between the other man's thighs pinning him tightly against the wall. Derek was so close to Stiles now that could feel breath on his face. The smell of him Stiles surrounded him making Derek dizzy with want. 

His heart must be racing, Derek thought as he moved his hands from where they were framing Stiles head and running them along Stiles's shoulders and down his arms, pausing at his wrists. Derek could feel a rapid thrum underneath his fingers. Derek was impressed with how detailed his hallucination was. 

"I'm going to taste you." Derek whispered leaning in closer to Stiles mouth, hoping the details won't go fuzzy now. Stiles motioned to meet him, but Derek pressed him back against the wall. 

"I remember your lips tasting so fucking good... " Derek leaned in even closer, their lips nearly touching. "Do you still taste so fucking good Stiles?" Derek flicked his tongue out, letting it quickly brush against Stiles lips, eliciting a moan. 

Stiles tried to move forward again, but Derek kept him pinned. Derek let his lips brush against Stiles's as he whispered "You taste exactly as I remember." He pulled Stiles's lower lip into his mouth and sucked on it gently with a hum. 

Stiles swore when Derek pulled away flicking his tongue against Stiles's upper lip; Derek wanted to taste it again too. Stiles hands clenched and unclenched at his sides, like he was trying to hold himself back, like it was a struggle for him to have Derek do these things to him, without being able to reciprocate.

Derek taking a chance that Stiles would stay still, took one of his hands off Stiles arm and brought it up to his face. He brushed his thumb gently across Stiles's lips pushing down slight on the lower, Stiles's tongue flicked out to meet it, startling Derek and sending a current of pleasure down his spine. Derek sighed as he let his thumb follow Stiles's tongue into the wet warmth of his mouth, where it was caressed and sucked.

"Fuck Stiles, I need to kiss you again."

"Yeah" Stiles breathed and the sound of Stiles speaking nearly killed Derek. His heart clenched so tightly he thought it might implode. All he could think was how this was all too real, all too good. Derek didn't deserve to have this, to have Stiles. It was too much. Derek felt a wave of panic wash over him and then all he knew was lips and hands and oh god.. Stiles's tongue was licking into to his mouth, like he had been starving to taste Derek, just like Derek had been starving to taste him. It took Derek a beat to catch up, but when he did their bodies moved against each other in a way that left them both panting.

"Too many clothes." Stiles managed to say around Derek's thumb that he had been sucking on as Derek sucked a deep red mark into Stiles collarbone. Stiles was correct, there were definitely too many clothes in the way. Derek pulled his thumb from Stiles mouth and used that hand to grip the guys t-shirt. Derek took a step backward and then another pulling Stiles along with him. If clothes were coming off, they needed to get out of the hallway. 

As soon as the apartment door was closed, Stiles whirled on Derek forcing him back against it. He had his palm splayed across Derek stomach, stilling Derek with it's even firm pressure.

"I get to taste you now." Stiles placed a finger on Derek's mouth and then trailed it slowly downward until stopping at Derek's waist band. Stiles's eyes flick down to where Derek was painfully hard. The jogging pants were severely tented. "I'm going to taste you here." Stiles said as he palmed Derek through his pants, the feel of having Stiles touching him made Derek gasp. 

"Fuck, do you know how many times I thought about this Derek, about taking you into my mouth." Just the idea of Stiles having his mouth on him made his dick twitch in anticipation. 

"Do you want me to taste you Derek?" Stiles looked deeply into Derek's eyes, his finger pulling at the band of Derek's pants. Derek could only nod, his mouth had suddenly gone extremely dry. 

Stiles tugged at Derek's pants gently, careful to pull the band up and over Derek's swollen and leaking dick. 

"Look at that?" Stiles said gestured downward. Derek looked down at his own cock, a pearl of pre-come had formed at the tip. 

"Derek, did you make that for me to taste?" Stiles moistened his lips. 

Derek had to close his eyes then because if he continued to look at Stiles when he spoke like that, he would be coming untouched. 

Scratch that, cause suddenly Stiles lips were on the very tip of Derek's penis, sucking gently at the moist slit there. 

"Hmm. Just like I imagined." Stiles said right before he slipped his lips around Derek and gave a tentative suck. Derek let out a guttural moan and gripped Stiles hair tightly in his fist.

Now, Derek had not been celibate over the years. He had had the occasional fuck here and there over the past three years, but nothing was like this. Nothing had compared to those few brief moments so long ago and this, here with Stiles now, was so much more. Even if it was a figment of his imagination, it felt real, it felt right. 

Derek's head felt foggy with lust, his head was tilted back against the door, one of his hands was still gripping Stiles's hair, but the other one was griping the doorknob trying to keep himself upright. It was proving to be difficult; Derek's legs had turned to jello. 

Stiles's mouth was so warm and wet, but his tongue was the true treasure. It moved along his shafts and under the sensitive head with such skill that Derek felt a flare of jealousy spark through him for anyone else who had gotten to be one the receiving end of It. 

It wasn't just his mouth though, Stiles hands ran along Derek's torso and down his backside, leaving trails of tingles wherever he touched. Derek knew he couldn't last much longer with Stiles mouth wrapped around him and hands on him, but he didn't want to come just yet. 

"God Stiles, your mouth is so good, too good." Derek moaned. Stiles hummed around him and Derek was pulled even closer to the edge. "Oh... Oh.. Oh god Stiles... You've got to stop." Stiles pulled off him a bit, just letting his tongue lap at Derek's head. It helped a little, but Derek knew it wouldn't take much to get him there again. 

He caressed Stiles face, tilting it upward. "Kiss me." Derek requested. 

Stiles leaned forward again hiking Derek's shirt up, he kissed Derek's hip bone and then his belly button. Derek pulled his shirt up and over his head giving Stiles full access to his torso. Stiles continued to tail kisses up to Derek's chest, stopping there for a moment to nip and suck at Derek's nipples. Goose bumps spread like wild fire across Derek's skin at the feel of teeth against those hard little nubs. 

Then it was all soft pink tongue continuing the distance to Derek's neck, Stiles nose brushed against Derek's jaw briefly before being buried into the side of Derek's neck. Stiles inhaled deeply then let out a shuttering breath followed by a little sob. His hands gripped at Derek's side pulling him in as close as he could. 

"I'm sorry." Stiles said under his breath as he struggled to regain composure. Derek could feel warm tears on his skin. 

"Hey, hey... No." Derek took Stiles face into both of his hands pulling him back slightly so he could look him in the eyes. Stiles cheeks were wet and his eyes cast down. 

"Look at me baby." Derek said gently, tilting Stiles's chin up. Stiles's eyes met his briefly before he closed them again like it hurt to look at Derek. "Everything's okay Stiles, I've got you now." Derek leaned forward peppering kisses on Stiles's wet cheeks. 

When Derek pulled away Stiles's eyes slowly opened, he looked defeated.

"What are we even doing Derek?" Stiles said his voice sounded crestfallen and small. "We haven't seen each other in three years and... And now were about to have sex and we have barely said two words to each other.. And it feels so good, but it's starting to feel like a really hot one night stand. And as good as that would feel now, I wouldn't be able to handle that later; I can't do that again... I can't have you now and not have you later... I just can't." Stiles had tears in his eyes again and a look of panic and hurt. 

Derek on the other hand couldn't feel the floor beneath him. He was Wiley Coyote hovering in mid air and he knew as soon as he looked at Stiles and let himself believe that this was actually happening, gravity would take it's course. Derek knew it was already too late, he was already hovering and the ledge was too far away to retreat now. The only thing left for him to do was fall. 

"Are you real?" Derek asked running his hand through Stiles's hair. "Are you here?" The questions were whispered more to himself then to Stiles. 

Stiles took Derek's hand and laid it on his cheek. "Yeah, I'm here, I'm real." 

Derek could feel the descent starting. It was Stiles here in front of him, as impossible as that was. Stiles was here and he wanted Derek. Not wanted him just for sex, but wanted Derek like he wanted Stiles.

Derek was struggling to grasp those words in his mind. It was already too much to have Stiles here in front of him, touching him, but to know Stiles wanted more... Derek was plummeting now, the ground raising rapidly to meet him. And there it was. 

Derek's world had once been rocked by Stiles years ago, but now his world shifted rearranged itself for the man. 

Derek leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Stiles's lips and then another and then another. Derek kept on kissing Stiles slowly softly, just lips on lips. He moved Stiles as he kissed him, backing him out of the entryway and towards the living room. He led Stiles to the couch, gently pushing him down on it when Stiles's calves hit the soft fabric. 

"Derek..." Stiles sighed between breaths. Derek didn't let him finish, he just climbed into his lap straddling him and continued to press soft kisses onto Stiles mouth. Stiles's hand dug into Derek's thighs like he wanted to keep Derek there forever and Derek was so very on board with that idea. 

That's when Derek realized,he didn't know how long he would get to keep Stiles for, how long he was in town for or where he lived for that matter. Derek's chest felt tight and his stomach lurched with the thought of Stiles leaving. 

"Stiles, how long... How long do I get to keep you for?" Derek asked in a quiet voice afraid to hear the answer. 

\---

Stiles heart was racing, well it had been racing pretty much for the entire encounter, but now it was thumping at such a rate, Stiles thought it might burst. Derek sounded so pained at the thought of losing Stiles again, like the idea of never seeing him again would kill him just as much as it would kill Stiles. 

"Do you want to keep me?" Stiles asked instead of saying something horribly cheesy like _forever_ or _as long as you'll have me_. He had driven across the country for this man after all. What else could he do to show Derek how badly he wanted to be with him. 

Derek pressed his lips against him in reply and Stiles's mind went blank again, god he had to stop letting Derek kiss him, if he wanted to get any answers at all. But this was good too, so good. Stiles kissed Derek back, letting his mouth open slightly so his tongue could meet Derek's. 

"Derek... Say something." Stiles finally managed to choke out as Derek's lips trailed along Stiles's jaw line, stopping at Stiles's ear. 

"I do... Want to keep you that is." Derek whispered as if it was a secret, causing to Stiles shiver. 

"Good" Stiles moan because his ear was in Derek's mouth and it was doing things to Stiles, really really good things.

Derek pulled away "good?" 

"Yeah, good." Stiles replied, he just wanted Derek to keep doing what he had been doing. He didn't understand why they had stopped again. Derek's face looked worried though and Stiles knew he should focus his attention on fixing that, but it was so hard with Derek mostly naked on top of him. Especially when he kept shifting on top of Stiles making his mind go gooey. 

"Fuck Derek, I want you so fucking badly." 

"Yeah?" Derek asked as if this hadn't already been established. 

"I drove for five days to get to you, you think I would do that for just anyone? I'm here cause I needed to see if this was something, if we could have something even after all the time and pain. I needed to see you, I want to be with you." 

Derek let out a growl and ground down hard on Stiles erection. "Fuck... Too many clothes, too many clothes." 

\--

Derek tugged Stiles's shirt up roughly, throwing it over the back of the couch as soon as Stiles was freed from it. Then his hands were on Stiles fly. It took less than twenty seconds for Derek to have Stiles naked and another five for him to discard his pants. 

He eyes trailed over Stiles's skin, his curves, his moles drinking in every inch of him. Stiles seemed to be doing the same things, his eyes trailing hungrily over Derek. 

Derek fished his bottle of lube out of the drawer in the coffee table. It was almost gone, Derek had been having a pretty shitty couple of weeks and had been jerking off often. There was enough left though, Derek thought eyeing the bottle skeptically. 

"I have some in my jeep" Stiles said breaking Derek out of his thoughts.  
"Too far, I need you now." Derek squeezed the slick into his hand. He rubbed his hands together then reached out for Stiles's cock. It was the first time he had gotten to touch Stile's dick, it felt good in his hands, heavy and smooth. 

"Oh god.. What..what are you doing?" Stiles was wiggling against the couch, his voice all breathy. 

"Don't you want to fuck me, Stiles?" Derek asked knowing the answer. Stiles was thrusting up into Derek's hand. He knew Stiles would feel so good inside him. 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written much before, just trying it out.


End file.
